Have I lost myself again?

Feeling pathetic.. that it seem I’m begging for efforts.. for some attention.. I question myself so often, whether I’m asking for too much. Or perhaps I’m just not worth and don’t deserve. I can only listen and try to believe, even though I can hardly feel anymore. 

Living life day by day.. meaninglessly~

Late Night Shower Thoughts

I shouldn't be here right now but the urge to pen my shower thoughts down is rather strong.. and to explain why I shouldn't be here, I worked till pretty late today and tomorrow will be another super long day. I am so drained!!!

Every time I step into the shower, my mind would just drift away. I guess that is why I always shower so long hahaha. Things that happened or words that I said or heard would just come back into my mind. It is also when I always remember things that I have not done - and obviously couldn't do at that point of time since I'm in the shower. But whenever I step out of the shower they sort of just got washed away. Funny isn't it?

Anyway, I've watched Joker recently and felt really really sad throughout the show. So much of the dark side of reality. Phoenix Joaquin did a really good job portraying the character and I hope all is truly just an act. Because it hurts to see someone going through that emotional and physical torture.

Why the Villains deserve a show of their own, because they have their stories to tell too. They chose to be the villain not because they want to, but because they were treated badly. Because people couldn't accept them for who they were when they were harmless.

Reminds me of how innocent and happy-go-lucky person I was as a kid. I had so much positivity that I didn't even realised myself. When I couldn't understand why people would choose to end their own life and such. Then eventually I grew up.

There was a period of time I felt slight depression and couldn't find a meaning in life. Till now I didn't know what was the cause of it. Figured it was just a phase in life that I had to go through.. I had thought that I should talk to somebody, but because I didn't know the reason why I was feeling this way, I kept it to myself. Because I didn't know what to say anyway, and that having to talk to someone means I have to think of how I should sentence or phrase it. There was nothing that I could say, I was just feeling really really upset, without a reason.

Every time I felt like this, I would just tell myself that it will be over soon and that time would heal.
and it does. It does go away. But it comes back too.

Growing up through that phase gave me another perspective of life. I was no longer the happy-go-lucky kid that I used to be. I had more negativity in me than I had positive. I understood why people commit suicide. I understood why they choose to leave, it is the easier option because life is too tough. Some times life just hurts so much that you can't do it anymore. Even though dying seems to be a tragedy, it is a relieve for some.

On a side note, suicide has been decriminalised in Singapore. Didn't understand why it was a crime in the first place. Like people would commit suicide just for fun. They were obviously hurting enough to look for such an escape route, why would you want to add on to it?...

Not that I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't feel that falling asleep forever is a scary thing. Or maybe it is, if you fall asleep and get stuck in a nightmare forever.

Whatever, I think I should sleep now. Goodnight~

15 MUST EAT Food in Korea

SeOUL Hungry

As some of you may be aware (or not), I went to Korea again this time with my girlfriends. Lucky me they were not too picky with food and so we managed to eat quite a variety of goodies throughout the trip.

So I decided to do this - My own personal list of MUST EAT food in Korea!

Kinda lazy to include recommendations as to where and how to go at the moment, so perhaps next time I may update.. upon request? or not.

I didn't list them by rank, everything is good, so JUST EAT EVERYTHING.

1. Korean Streetfoods

How can you miss out these goodies especially when it is so cheap and convenient?

There are too many yummies out there on the streets but I'm just gonna mention some of my favourites.

First we have Gimbap, aka rice rolls.

Its a very simple dish, looks pretty similar to sushi but it is NOT SUSHI.

Next is Korean Fish Cake soup. They can be found almost everywhere in korea! The soup is heavenly. I don't even know how to describe this.

Lastly Corn dog. This is not what I would usually love but I don't know why this corn dog is different! Perfect with Ketchup and Mustard ^_^

*Sorry I koped the last two image from online because they always end up in my mouth before I remember to snap a photo.*

Many other popular streetfoods such as Tteokbokki or Hotteok are delicious too. Though personally I find Tteokbokki in Korea a tad too spicy for me, and Hotteok too sweet. BUT don't miss trying them out if you haven't!

2. Cheesy Seafood

Okay these are streetfood as well and can be found on the night street of Myeongdong. They cook and torch them right in front of you. Definitely can't walk pass without getting them!

3. Jajangmyeon (Black bean sauce noodles)

It taste nothing like the chinese 炸酱面 but I guess its similar in a way?

Korean Chinese restaurant sells them. I would crave it every now and then, lucky me there's a pretty good restaurant in Singapore at The Central (Tae Woo Restaurant) where I usually go to satisfy my craving :P

4. Gul Bossam

This is basically steam pork and fresh oyster wrap. Happen to chance upon this on one of Taiwan's food channel (forgot which) and went looking for it on my trip. OMG I love it so much, but the oysters not enough!! I NEED BUFFET. Didn't know pork and oysters can go so well together!!

 5. Korean BBQ

DUH?! Do I even need to explain?

I love giving the meat a good lettuce wrap, they go freaking well together plus the lettuce gets rid of the oiliness in the meat. Delishhhhh!

Have been missing and thinking about this Piggy Bank Stone Grill ever since. I can't wait to go back..

 6. Ramyeon (Korean instant noodles)

K the photo doesn't quite do justice to the taste. It's just ramyeon la~ But somehow ramyeon bought in Korea and in Singapore (though same brand) taste different. Perhaps because different manufacturing? This was cooked for us by our host in Jeju island and after the noodles we added steamed rice into the remaining soup. So good! Two rounds of shiokness in a bowl :P

7. Sannakji (Live Octopus)

I'm a seafood lover and this dish is pretty exciting to me (especially when watching my friends try).

8. Samgyetang (Ginseng Chicken Soup)

Tosokchon Samgyetang is by far the most popular among tourists and I would visit them every single time I go to Korea. With the stuffed rice in the chicken, I feel like I'm unwrapping a gift box whenever I tear them open! LOL~

9. Korean Fried Chicken

I had the best fried chicken in my life last September. At Kyochon! Personally I do not like those with lots of sauce, so my all-time favourite is definitely Original fried chicken and Soy garlic chicken. YUMMMS.

Eat it with beer (because all Koreans do)

10. Abalone Porridge

I SUPER LOVE

11. Dakgalbi (Spicy Stir-fried Chicken)

With cheese! Had this at Nami Island Kko Kko Chuncheon, too bad it was too much for us else we would go for a second round of kimchi fried rice which every other table had, it looks goddamn yummy!

12. Budae Jjigae (Army Stew)

I found this delicious pot of stew recommended online and near our guesthouse. Last minute research because was craving for it, super good to have it on cold weather days.. heavenly!

 13. Ganjang Gejang (Soy Sauce Marinated Crabs)

These are raw crabs by the way, they taste so damn good it surprised me on my first try.

14. Korean pancakes

I especially love the seafood pancake, with some sort of onion sauce or something. I have no idea what but they are a perfect match!

15. Bingsu (Shaved Ice dessert)

I fell in love with bingsu when I first had it in Korea (the melon one!). I know there are many Bingsu cafes opened in Singapore but... no they are not as good.

Anywayyyy~ So far three trips to South Korea and I have friends and family kept asking me why I keep going to Korea (to same places somemore). BO BIAN, I can't get enough of these delicacies! No plans yet but I can't wait to go back again.

I actually bought back a bag of kimchi with 12 mini packs, ate them all on my own because my family doesn't know how to appreciate it. Now every time I scoop steam rice I would miss my kimchi (because no more). To the extent my Mom ask me marry to Korean so I can just stay there for good. I shall go consider now, bye!