I shouldn't be here right now but the urge to pen my shower thoughts down is rather strong.. and to explain why I shouldn't be here, I worked till pretty late today and tomorrow will be another super long day. I am so drained!!!
Every time I step into the shower, my mind would just drift away. I guess that is why I always shower so long hahaha. Things that happened or words that I said or heard would just come back into my mind. It is also when I always remember things that I have not done - and obviously couldn't do at that point of time since I'm in the shower. But whenever I step out of the shower they sort of just got washed away. Funny isn't it?
Anyway, I've watched Joker recently and felt really really sad throughout the show. So much of the dark side of reality. Phoenix Joaquin did a really good job portraying the character and I hope all is truly just an act. Because it hurts to see someone going through that emotional and physical torture.
Why the Villains deserve a show of their own, because they have their stories to tell too. They chose to be the villain not because they want to, but because they were treated badly. Because people couldn't accept them for who they were when they were harmless.
Reminds me of how innocent and happy-go-lucky person I was as a kid. I had so much positivity that I didn't even realised myself. When I couldn't understand why people would choose to end their own life and such. Then eventually I grew up.
There was a period of time I felt slight depression and couldn't find a meaning in life. Till now I didn't know what was the cause of it. Figured it was just a phase in life that I had to go through.. I had thought that I should talk to somebody, but because I didn't know the reason why I was feeling this way, I kept it to myself. Because I didn't know what to say anyway, and that having to talk to someone means I have to think of how I should sentence or phrase it. There was nothing that I could say, I was just feeling really really upset, without a reason.
Every time I felt like this, I would just tell myself that it will be over soon and that time would heal.
and it does. It does go away. But it comes back too.
Growing up through that phase gave me another perspective of life. I was no longer the happy-go-lucky kid that I used to be. I had more negativity in me than I had positive. I understood why people commit suicide. I understood why they choose to leave, it is the easier option because life is too tough. Some times life just hurts so much that you can't do it anymore. Even though dying seems to be a tragedy, it is a relieve for some.
On a side note, suicide has been decriminalised in Singapore. Didn't understand why it was a crime in the first place. Like people would commit suicide just for fun. They were obviously hurting enough to look for such an escape route, why would you want to add on to it?...
Not that I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't feel that falling asleep forever is a scary thing. Or maybe it is, if you fall asleep and get stuck in a nightmare forever.
Whatever, I think I should sleep now. Goodnight~
